Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
