so that wasnt chicken after all
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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