I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
