just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
