I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
So. Much. Porn.
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