I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
