Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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