omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Im part way to drunk.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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