I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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