$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
