singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
