I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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