Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize