We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
