yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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