Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
