I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
