i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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