I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
