she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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