i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I intend to get homeless drunk
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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