I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
