I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
