theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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