3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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