Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
