yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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