Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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