you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
