Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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