bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
