Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
