walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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