There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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