I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
