You're my little dorito
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
