giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
