If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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