Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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