Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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