just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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