12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
