I cannot find my penis.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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