the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
