This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
