people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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