Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
