This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
