kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
