Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
