Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
