i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
