not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
