you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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