I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
